Landslide

When I got in my car tonight it was on. When I drove to the gym, it was closed. Something about that made me burst into tears. I miss my grandmother. I said her name out loud and it sounded warm and safe. I said I miss you out loud. I want to know that she can hear me. I want to thank her for the love. I want her to know that I will tell my children about her. I want her to understand that she is part of the reason they are loved so deeply. I want to know she's still there, and ok. I want to feel it. I don't know what I feel.

I feel sad and alive and getting closer to a point where I understand what this all is and am more willing to take risks. I want to get there. I want to get to a place where all that matters is my family and my creativity. Those two things and pizza, I could live forever it seems. Takin my love down tonight.

Potty Talk

"Mama?" says Cai, from the toilet, I'm around the corner in my office.

"Yes son?"

"Do we need the blood and the bones?"

"Yours?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, why?"

"Cause I'm going poo and I didn't know cause you said it all comes out."

Earlier today while changing Choco's diaper I explained to Cai that poo was all the food we eat after our bodies have absorbed all the healthy stuff.

"Yes, honey. Poo is just food, you get to keep your blood and bones."

"Ok. Mama?"

"Yes, son?"

(Exasperated) "Why didn't you just tell me that the first time?"

"You're right. Sorry, I should have thought of it."

"It's ok Mama, you don't have to say sorry. No biggie."