Growing pains

Jaya is away on business for two days and this afternoon when the kids and I said goodbye and headed to our friend’s pool (it was 105!) Cai was slow on the take. “You mean we won’t see Papa for two days?” he said a little panicked as we pulled out of driveway. I said yes and when I glanced in the rearview mirror his little face had crumbled as if his heart were breaking. “Honey what’s wrong?” I felt a little panicked me. “I’ll miss him” he cried as I pulled over and flagged his Papa down who reassured our sweet boy. It really took all my energy not to cry with him. He broke down again at bedtime. Partially out of exhaustion but also really because his emotions are developing as is his sense of time. He misses his Papa, I miss him too. And while we are reminded he is still a little boy, there are gigantic signs of growth as well. Today while his whiney baby brother and I bickered the way only an overtired two year-old and a cranky had-it-up-to-here foul-tempered mother could Mordecai was climbing into the refrigerator. “What are you doing?” I said in an annoyed and nasty tone that I quickly regretted. “Oh Mama, I just thought I could find Choco some yogurt to make him feel better.” Worst mother of the year award goes to…

Later I am in the backyard overseeing home improvements when the two brothers come out in their boots – Mordecai had put Choco’s on for him – this makes me tear up just writing it. Finally, when I came in from the yard again the two were busily coloring in the living room, each with a juice box. Cai had decided they needed a cool drink, he tells me.

Tonight they sleep in a room together again. My whole life is in the back of this house under quilts and surrounded by stuffed green dogs and dragons.