Cat's Cradle

Driving home tonight on highway 50. The big fluorescent sign says snow ahead, chains required. I turn the music up and hold my hand up to the wind as I pass the strip club. Feel the wind push my palm and send a greeting to the sad girls inside and the best they could do. Tonight I spent the evening over fish tacos and chocolate chip cheesecake with my friend Charr. We sat beneath plaster pyramids and tuxedo clad busboys. False idols and all, we sifted through the wreckage and helped each other salvage colored threads. Wove them together like children. Cats cradle. She grasps the awkward tangle with both hands and turns it toward the ground. I hold steady til she takes over and try to figure the next move. I tell her of missing cats and upended psyches. She talks over mothers, lovers and the cross between. Crying over diet coke she tells me of seminars and leaving things behind. I hunch over and hike up my load. A good soldier never complains.

The road is slick from new rain and I push down on the gas, wonder if the headlights behind me are a police car. I turn the music up and think of my father, a boy I loved when I was 16. My father hated him and I can’t leave him behind. 30 years earlier and my father would’ve put a shotgun to his chest for not properly ringing the doorbell. 30 years later and I will still wonder why this boy didn’t love me right, why I didn’t get my own gun.

Cats to the wind I sit up straight in the driver’s seat and say hello to the demons. Charr says her father mutters hello to all bad thoughts. Like a crazy old steward he cheerily croaks hello to the TV, the bathroom sink, the cold soup.

Tonight a gaudy glorious dress in yellow taffeta snickers next to me. I think of the first photo Charr took of me. Black cotton on top of a ladder I see her fall to the floor suddenly in this tardy prom dress. Land soft like a drunk all thud, moss and pink roses. The girl in black would’ve fractured and limped for days. This woman in yellow and pink frill would roll easily and rise. Strap on roller skates and take them for all they’re worth.