Back.
I've been the crappiest mom blogger recently, I'll admit it. I've been thinking about it, but obsessing about other things and I'm going to try to make a change, I promise. See, though this blog is really for me right now, in a sense I see it as being a gift to my kids. A history. I imagine if my mom had written about her day to day life, the funny and sweet things I did as a kid - that would be such an amazing thing to have. Anyway, the point is, I'm going to keep on this.
I've been working to simplify lately, only semi-successfully. I'm overworked, overwhelmed and constantly fearful I'm missing something vital with my kids. It's a crappy way to live and I'm trying to get out of it.
On a lighter note... Many nights, when I tell Cai goodnight, I also tell him I love him and I list all the things I love him more than. "I love you more than the moon and the sun and the stars in the sky." is pretty typical. So recently he has been repeating this, but he adds his own touch. The other night he said, "Mama, I love you more than rocks." Now if you know my boy, you know he must love me somethin awful cause rocks are just about the best thing he can imagine. And two nights ago he said, "Mama, I love you more than cake." Jeez.
Lo is a crawling machine now. He pretends he can only go sideways and backwards, but put something compelling in the boys path and he moves. I'm telling you, like there's fireworks in his bum. He just got his second tooth in and he enjoys chewing on my fingers with them. He is just such a jovial little guy. I worry that he is the second child and has not received all the attention Cai did. I worry all the disease and addiction and illness Jaya and I carry in our genetics will trickle down to my babies because I can't possibly love them enough. I'm trying hard to have faith. I never believed in any real sort of God. But after these boys I needed something, someone to thank.
Looking to the skies now, trying to find my way and make this time I have count. I'm such a fucking philosopher these days. I wish I could just care about the trivial things, it would be such a comfy way to live. Instead I'll just hold on to the frame of this big window and eat some doughnuts, chocolate cake, extra nuts.
I've been working to simplify lately, only semi-successfully. I'm overworked, overwhelmed and constantly fearful I'm missing something vital with my kids. It's a crappy way to live and I'm trying to get out of it.
On a lighter note... Many nights, when I tell Cai goodnight, I also tell him I love him and I list all the things I love him more than. "I love you more than the moon and the sun and the stars in the sky." is pretty typical. So recently he has been repeating this, but he adds his own touch. The other night he said, "Mama, I love you more than rocks." Now if you know my boy, you know he must love me somethin awful cause rocks are just about the best thing he can imagine. And two nights ago he said, "Mama, I love you more than cake." Jeez.
Lo is a crawling machine now. He pretends he can only go sideways and backwards, but put something compelling in the boys path and he moves. I'm telling you, like there's fireworks in his bum. He just got his second tooth in and he enjoys chewing on my fingers with them. He is just such a jovial little guy. I worry that he is the second child and has not received all the attention Cai did. I worry all the disease and addiction and illness Jaya and I carry in our genetics will trickle down to my babies because I can't possibly love them enough. I'm trying hard to have faith. I never believed in any real sort of God. But after these boys I needed something, someone to thank.
Looking to the skies now, trying to find my way and make this time I have count. I'm such a fucking philosopher these days. I wish I could just care about the trivial things, it would be such a comfy way to live. Instead I'll just hold on to the frame of this big window and eat some doughnuts, chocolate cake, extra nuts.
