Landslide

When I got in my car tonight it was on. When I drove to the gym, it was closed. Something about that made me burst into tears. I miss my grandmother. I said her name out loud and it sounded warm and safe. I said I miss you out loud. I want to know that she can hear me. I want to thank her for the love. I want her to know that I will tell my children about her. I want her to understand that she is part of the reason they are loved so deeply. I want to know she's still there, and ok. I want to feel it. I don't know what I feel.

I feel sad and alive and getting closer to a point where I understand what this all is and am more willing to take risks. I want to get there. I want to get to a place where all that matters is my family and my creativity. Those two things and pizza, I could live forever it seems. Takin my love down tonight.