Morning

I always wake up early after someone has died. The sensation of realizing what has happened always feels the same.

I had dreams about my family last night. In one my mother and I were going to the home my grandmother had for fifty years to clear out her belongings. My grandma had just died but for some reason the house was already sold. That house was built backwards, so everyone always entered through the back door. The front door was too far from the street. When my mom and I approached the back door the lock clicked and the door flew open, as we stepped inside a gust of cool wind hit us. We laughed a little and it was not until we heard my grandma's voice say 'Okie-doke' that we spoke. We were nervous but not afraid.

I have been very happy that my sons have known three of thier great grandmothers. I didn't know any of mine. But it did not occur to me until last night that they might not remember any of them.

I'm hoping my grandma is getting lots of attention right now. The kind you get when you are the guest of honor at a special party, where people talk about how wonderful you are and how much you mean to them. I hope that party has good white wine and plenty of coconut ice cream and cream-filled pastries. I hope my grandpa is there so she has a quiet place to lean again. I hope she has all the things she loved, except us. I hope in this place we can do something to pay tribute as well. Something that will catch her attention, even in the limelight.