Unrelated

So several years back, in the pre-mama years I was a mentor to a young girl through a public school program designed to prevent teenage pregnancy. I was matched with a gabby and sweet girl named Janell and we met every week for an hour to talk and just hang out. I taught her origami, took her to Italian food (she'd never had it) and did that big sister kind of stuff. The program lost it's funding and Janell and I continued to have our weekly meetings anyway. She came from a seemingly nice home, tight with her mom and three younger siblings. They seemed loving, though not very stable. When I picked Janell up to go to the waterslides once, even the 9, 5 and 1 year-olds were getting out of bed at 10 am on a Sunday. Made me wonder what time they went to bed. The house was far less than tidy, etc.

Anyway after knowing Janell for two years, I got pregnant. The relationship had always been stressful for me because I felt the responsibility of keeping it up in a heavy way. So with the pregnancy, work, etc. I soon realized I needed to let it go. It was sad and hard and I told Janell I just didn't have the time. There really wasn't a way to do it so that she didn't feel rejected, but I did my best. Several months later her mother left me a message out of the blue. It was odd, but coincidentally I had an old computer I had thought Janell might use. So I called her mom and arranged for a time to drop it off. I did, but in the rush I never asked her mom why she originally called and she never mentioned it. This was nearly three years ago and I haven't heard from or seen Janell since.

So last week I grabbed the mail and settled on the couch to nurse Lo. I picked up the Penny Saver, this free paper that comes out weekly, mostly filled with classified ads, and started to read it. I have rarely looked at the Penny Saver except the few times I've been shopping for a used item of some kind. Anyway, I read through all the 'free' ads, firewood, fill dirt, etc. and turned to the second page where they have the 'Good News' section mostly filled with birthday wishes. Well the seventh and last 'Good News' ad read as follows:

To My Kids:
Steven, Brandon, Serena Higgins,
I'm so proud of you. Bless my Babies. Love, Mommy

As soon as I read these three first names, I recognized them immediately as being Janell's younger siblings. She babysat them often and talked about them a lot. As quickly as she was growing up, I knew her from 11 to 13, she was very young at heart and loved playing with her brothers and baby sister. So I immediately knew these were the kids, without reading the last name, which happens to be Janell's also. So immediately I start asking questions.

Why isn't Janell listed with her other 'babies'? Is it that she's too old? She's 15 or 16 now, but that would make Steven 12 or 13, so the mom isn't just listing her 'little kids'. Where the fuck is Janell? Do I want to know? So of course I search her name on the internet, but her first name is spelled funny, so I try six different spellings to no avail. At least she's not dead, I think. I do find her stepfather's name and they still live in the same house with the same phone number. Do I call? Can I not? Has she runaway? Pregnant? Disowned? Her mom seemed like the kind of mother who would shelter a pregnant teen, I think she was one herself. God damnit. Why was I reading the stupid paper to begin with? I don't read real newspapers that I actually write for.

So here I sit, still with the paper on my desk wondering. Do I let her go, wonder forever why her mother called me years ago? Do I call and ask for her, satisfy my curiosity and risk assuming a small part of the responsibility? Is it possible that it's a typo? Is there any good reason her mother would've left her name out? Fuck if I know. Is the universe telling me something here? Who knows. Nobody, I guess. Then again, maybe Janell does.