Unofficial

Lolo is unofficially crawling. He worms his way around the room backwards and sideways, like a little roley-poley snake in the desert. He also is spitting raspberries like a wild man. He's like a mini rebel without a cause. The other day we left a restaurant, Lo blowing raspberries practically giving them the finger while Cai screamed 'Free food for the poor!' A cute thing his dad taught him even though we always pay. While these two were adorable that day, I have a feeling when they are doing this at 15 and 17 we won't think it's so cute.

So Lo is worming around and so anxious to be on the move. I'm excited, but a little part of me knows this is the beginning of the end. To pour salt in the wound, Cai asked for a cup without a sippy lid twice today. He was very firm about it, knew what he wanted. I poured a very small amount of milk into a very vulnerable lidless cup, and he proudly drank it down. Didn't spill a single drop.

He looks so large to me suddenly. In the mornings he still asks me to snuggle with him on the couch. He moves over and waits for me to fit between him and the couch back. He stretches out his arm expectantly and lets me lay my neck across it with my head resting on his very tiny chest. He wraps his little arm around me and I can smell his breath - it smells like the paste you use in elementary school - sweet and warm. He will lay contentedly watching cartoons and every now and then turn and close his eyes nuzzling his head against mine.

I am trying so hard to live in these moments. I am trying so hard not to fight the time that's passing.